Oprah Winfrey Opens Church, Founds Religion
Talk-show host Oprah Winfrey today celebrated the opening of her first church and the founding of her new religion, titled O, The Oprah Religion. The multi-tasking Oprah will serve as pontiff and deity for both.
“Expanding on Her enormously successful enterprises in television, film, the web, and Her magazine, Oprah Winfrey brings Her positive, motivational spirit to one of the most highly anticipated new religions since Scientology,” explained spokesperson and new Archbishop for the church, Gayle King, in a press conference in Chicago today.
“O, The Oprah Religion gives confident, smart women the tools they need to explore and reach for their dreams, to express their individual style, and to make choices that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling afterlife.”
“In addition, we’ve eliminated the regressive prohibitions – such as those against shrimp, clothing made of mixed fibers, and premarital sex – that older, outmoded religions still cling to, but which no longer fit in with the lifestyles of their congregations. In fact, Oprah loves to share a shrimp cocktail with her live-in life partner while wearing stretch-wool slacks! Now, with O, The Oprah Religion, you can do the same, and without the threat of everlasting damnation!”
King went on, “O, The Oprah Religion, has all the comforts of a traditional belief system, but combined with the uplifting spirit of Oprah, so that anyone from a religious background will still feel at home when they convert the new traditions of O, The Oprah Religion.”
“For example, instead of a spring fertility festival like Easter or Passover, with O, The Oprah Religion, you’ll celebrate the abundance of Oprah with Her spring holiday Oprah’s Favorite Things, which is observed during the second week of spring sweeps. During this holiday, believers smear the blood of a freshly slaughtered lamb on their television, and in the middle of the day the Holy Spirit of Oprah visits all supplicants and showers them with cashmere pajamas, gourmet chocolates, and Gladware”
“It doesn’t stop there!” added Archbishop King. “The Catholic tradition of confession has been incorporated into O, The Oprah Religion, but with a twist: confession occurs just once per lifetime, is syndicated nationally, and is officiated over by Oprah herself. Since Oprah serves as both pontiff and God in human form, penance is unnecessary, forgiveness is guaranteed, and it’s all done without the use of an intercessor! Verily I say unto thee: O, The Oprah Religion empowers all women with the tools for their own salvation! Praise be!”
Though Winfrey herself officiated over the opening ceremonies for the First Church Of Oprah, Savior, located on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, O, The Oprah Religion does not require or even encourage Church attendance. Instead, believers are urged to stay home and watch services on their televisions. Regular broadcasts will be held every weekday at 11am. An additional service is planned for the most devout, to be called Oprah, After The Service.
Following her introductory remarks, Archbishop King spread her hands to the heavens, and Oprah herself appeared in the sky overhead, swathed in blindingly white robes and a pair of black leather knee-high boots with stiletto heels. Before Her, a mixed crowd of pre- and post-menopausal women shrieked in excitement, weeping openly at the heavenly vision. Several attendees were so overcome that they collapsed in pools of their own urine.
“Blessed are all who come before Me,” intoned Oprah after floating down to the podium, “and Blessed are all women who come to terms with things! Blessed also is this interesting hand-carved pepper mill; it is one of My Favorite Things! There’s one in each of your gift bags!”
With a flourish of trumpets from an unseen orchestra, production assistants scurried through the crowd, handing out gift bags to all and dispensing Egyptian cotton towels to the women who had wet themselves.
“Blessed is My church, enter ye now and view My services on the giant screen flat-panel Sony television within!” Continued Oprah, “Look within yourself, for you can overcome all obstacles when you believeth in yourself! Look also within your gift bag, as you all get a certificate for a free flat-panel Sony television of thine own!”
With a gesture from Her hands, the doors to the church swept open, and the crowds rushed forth to enter the church as an ivory chariot descended from the sky, whisking Oprah away to her apartment.
“Peace be with you! Praise be to Me!” she yelled as she drove out of sight.
In addition to Oprah’s Favorite Things, other holidays planned for the religion include The Feast Of The Assumption Of Maya Angelou, celebrated each summer with a poetry reading and live bird release, and the month-long Stedmanadon in the fall. Following similar marketing plans by the Kabbalah Center, a line of scented candles in the works, tentatively titled O, The Oprah-scented Candle, though plans for bottled water have been cancelled due to legal problems with Cirque Du Soleil.
Source: Davis McDavis
http://davismcdavis.xanga.com/197822930/oprah-winfrey-opens-church-founds-religion/
If this is true, people have 2 understand that Satan is working, but above that, God is working!! and there will always be evil but it is going on because the good dont do anything. We must stand up for God, and make sure you make disciples where ever you go, if everybody have heard the MESSAGE, that will be the time that Jesus will return! So reach out to those who have never met Jesus! I pray that God send someone to tell oprah the Good news and what Jesus did for her!! God loves us!!
there’s an adage that states that pride goes before fall……remember king Nebuchadnezzar did the same thing,he became a beast of the field,his own was even minor,he said it all in his mind,including the rich man in the parables,,,,,,your act is of great blasphemy….Jesus is a merciful God,i like you and i pray you find your way back to his fold before you fall into eternal damnation.
This is the beginning of the downfall of Oprah. It is obivious that she has achieved all that the world could give and there is nothing intresting anymore in her life, so now she views herself as God, for her that’s more interesting. I guess she is also tired of being a talkshow host and with age catching up, she feels she has to be adventerous in this manner. She will feel she has achieved much when she has a group of misled, gullible people following her to their own demise. What a pity. But people let her alone, we all know what happened to Lucifer when he equated himself to God. God remains God, the only people I feel sorry for are her followers, as for her she has already chosen her way to the pits of hell. This is a CULT, be careful. Ms King open your eyes, seek advice from TD Jakes before you are dragged downhill.
PEOPLE BE BEWARE AND BE VERY VERY CAREFUL , SATAN IS DESPERATE , HE WIL USE MONEY ,SEX , MUSIC , TV SHOWS AND STATUS ….AND MANY MANY ARE GOING TO FALL , THIS O IS THE MODERN WITCH OF ALL TIME …AND MAN IS SHE NOT GOING TO CON MANY
GOD’S WRATH WILL BE ON HER AND SHE HAS NOT SEEN ANYTHING YET
Money can really make some people mad. You mean as old as u are u dont know that there is GOD.IF U DONT CHANGE MAY GOD KILL YOU SO THAT U SHOULD NOT TAKE MORE PEOPLE TO HELL. I DIDNT KNOW OPRA WAS THIS USELESS
This does not appear to be a real article.
Oprah – the rise of an antichrist:
“Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time” (Holy Bible 1John 2:18 KJV).
“3 Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed the son of perdition;
4 Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God” (Holy Bible 2Thessalonians 2: 3-4 KJV).
I am shocked!!!
Oprah …you have lifted yourself too high to the level of a god…
May the Lord God have mercy on you and touch you that you and all of us shall give only Him(God) the glory that He deserves.
She’s lost , lets pray for her.
In one of her interviews Oprah says that she heard the pastor says God is a very jealous God and she says this were she started sayng no to Christianity so I just wanted to clear the air that oprah in all her greatness is really a ignorant person as that statement means that God is jealous God in the sense that you should not pray to idols that people make as Gods but only to him as a one true God. Jesus
oprah uv lost a fan in me hw cn u sink dat low & compare urself to God de almighty dta sbeing blasphemous mxiiii
I’m shocked and appalled. Always liked Oprah until she admitted she was not a believer in Christ. Now she’s opening a church and starting her own religion where she will function as deity!? Wow.may God help her and Oprah , who do you think you are?
A very disillusioned “fan”.
The devil is using the rich and the powerful to derail Christians from Jesus’s path. The devil wants us to believe that with good morals alone you don’t need Jesus. If you are happy and live by good moral, then you don’t need Jesus. This entirely wrong, the devil don’t worry about good moral, he worries about Jesus. he wants to remove Jesus from the equation so that we forget about Him and live according to our standards which are layed to us by satan. Oprah is preaching just that: “THERE’S NO HEAVEN, HEAVEN IS WITHIN YOU, IF YOU ARE HAPPY THEN THAT’S SALVATION”.
Let’s pray for this sister, looks like she signed a contract with the devil. She once mentioened that her guardian angel told her that should she marries, she will loose all her wealth – Now thats where it all begun.
May the mercy of our living GOD JESUS CHRIST be with her. AMEN
oprah i am a 13 year old CHRISTIAN girl i am very disturbed about what you have done opening your own church which is unbeliveable i have always looked up to you .you carry people away with wealth your schools around the world now people really know who you are you will lose your fans you will lose everything you better repent before the wroth of god falls upon you if you don’t loose your fans you will loose your wealth or your health and then you will need god in your life I MAY NOT HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD BUT WITH GOD I KNOW I AM RICHLY BLESSED IN HIS MINISTRY
Adeline my girl, run and tell all of your friends about this, warn them about such individuals. I’m so glad to see that there are young people who dedicate their lives to JESUS like you. May God bless you and give you more strength as you face your everyday challanges as a young person.
Thanks Adeline for your stand and faith in Christ…..
I am a 26 year old Kenyan University Student and believer not in O but in JESUS CHRIST….I am not amazed thou amazed by what Oprah decide to do.
We ARE LIVING IN THE LAST days and i know DECEPTION will only influence through riches and power…this is what we see right here…..
I believe it is a WAKE UP call for US TRUE CHRISTIANS to preach and live CHRIST like
never before….
I choose to preach the GOSPEL OF CHRIST our Lord and Savior til the end…
A good example of DOOM is Libyan President Gaddaffi of when he declared himself king of kings and lord of lords in AFRICA……he is fighting the battle that he has lost….
Oprah you are the next…you are going no far…
I’m not shocked at all. Somehow, it is said that ”what a man can do, a woman can do better.” Oprah, that you started a church is not a problem to me. my problem is that you decided to lead many ignorant and unrooted individuals to a land of destruction.
who am I to curse you or judge you when I know that the wages of sin is death.
It pains me most because you are black.
No wonder the psalmist wrote that ”a fool[oprah] says in his[her] heart that there is no God…”
Please, my advice to christians reacting to this is that none should question God about this inconceivable act of folly. every begining has its end.
oprah, sooooooooooooooooorryyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!
Did anyone actually bother to look to see who Davis McDavis, the source for this, is? He writes a comedy blog and this is copied and pasted from it. Why don’t people research things? Just copy and paste the link from the bottom of the article and look at his sight for about 45 seconds.
Oh and in case my last post didn’t make it clear, It’s not a real religion. If you read the article you should have realized it was satire and mocking christianity and oprah.
God is not mocked what so ever you sow you shall reap find the real christ because a fall is on its way money can’t help……
Oprah? Je n’en crois pas mes oreilles! Das ist ja scheiss verdamnt! Oprah dear, of al d tin 2 do wt ur money, wat u jst did shld neva had been one of them! Nobody, i repeate, NOBODY messes with wbBABA God. Repent or u won’t know wat hit you! Ofcourse you’ll know its source! Last word? Garde à Vous Oprah!!!
she is a shame to humanity and Christianity.
Acts 12: 22 The people kept crying out, “The voice of a god and not of a man!”
23 And immediately an angel of the Lord struck him because he did not give God the glory, and he was eaten by worms and died.
Hi Oprah,
Jesus loves you. You are important to him. Just cry out his name and you will see the difference.May God continue to bless you
It is disheartening to see how low a human being can fall. Indeed, the love of money is the source of all evil. God save us for indeed we live in such confusing times. Babylon is still alive and well. Let’s listen to the voice of God saying: Come out of it my people.
Beware O,
Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets. Luke 6:26
And the people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a god, and not of a man. Acts 12:22
And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost. Acts 12:23
insanity or maybe this is what money can do
That woman has gone bonkers big time, I am lost for words!
Please Oprah, don’t do this ! This is the beginning of the end for you unless you repent. I am burning all my collection ( 5 years) of O magazine if the wealth you have accumulated can make you believe you can be so reckless . And please don’t call it CHURCH.Just like the corrupted name ORPAH to OPRAH, don’t corrupt the name given to the Body of Christ to satisfy your ego. Repent now while there is still time…………………..
Oprah, repent for the coming of the Lord is near and you have partaken of the evil spirits, rebuke Satan and God will control you, you are not God and will never will….The doors of grace are about to shut down…repent repent repent, there is no time to waste, all the people that would fall for you , their blood will be claimed in your name for preaching and doing false things. This is not a Church this is a mockery…..please Repent while there is still time…money is not all
Satan was cast out from heaven because he wanted to be God ,he still wants to be god using men. and you are deceived by satan because you rejected the word of God which is the only one that can protect you from satan.
Please people tell me you are not buying this article…it is not true! Dont let these sick people feed you this bull. Oprah is as spiritual as anyone should be. She is an amazing gift from GOD. She is one of the last amazing, positive, inspirational people we have. Dont let these stories cloud your judgement!
This has to be a joke !! I’m still laughing, isn’t April fools day over ??
I FEEL SO SORRY FOR OPRAH, I HOPE AND PRAY THIS IS A JOKE
This is not a joke – Oprah really does have a magical flying chariot and can forgive you of your sins with her magical powers. You must obey her or she’ll strike you down with lightning and a rain of frogs and blood. Thou shalt have no other gods before Oprah. It’s actually the Christian god that is the blasphemer, Oprah is really the only true Goddess. You were taught incorrectly. Now that you know the true, I pray that you will find the way. I pray! I pray! I pray!
Umm…. people this is a joke, you’ve been had. Don’t believe everything you read, it makes you look stupid.
Ps. 14:1 The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
History has shown from before time that anyone who tried to be God was destroyed. The final victory will come when Lucifer, the most beautiful angel as well as the first being who tried to put himself above God, is overthrown.
Please take time to read the Bible, start with the book of John where we learn of God’s love. Also read Proverbs, a book on being wise, too. God loves you and wants you to come to a saving knowledge of Him. Pray and meditate on Him.
As rich and successful as you are, it can all be taken away in moments — it happened to Job (in the Bible), its happened to other powerful people in history and can happen to anyone who thinks they are ‘great’ — “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall .” (Proverbs 16:18)
‘A word to the wise is sufficient.’
Believers: The word of GOD is now fulfilled, Jesus warned us that in the end time that “false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall show signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect. But take ye heed: behold, I have foretold you all things.”
Opra if this is true, our Lord Jesus died for all our sins, He came to earth so that we can all receive eternal life, I am a born again child of the living God, i know the devil is a lier thats is why he was chased out of haeven he was jelous of our MIGHTY GOD, now the devil is trying to confuse u, u r a wonderfull person very loving and caring but u will never be GOD, pls i am begging u to pls repent on this for there is only ONE TRUE GOD, HIS NAME IS JEHOVA…..
W’ll be praying for u cc and for everybody who is in the same situation like u, 1 Timothy 2 vs 4 , GOD WANTS EVRYBODY TO BE SAVED AND TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH. that is my prayer too.
I’m converting to O. Praise be Oprah and archbishop King! Suck it Jesus. Your time is over.
oprah whats really funny is that this is a 10 year old boy and when I saw this it about made me cry I’m a christian and i know that my god is up in heavan and Jesus christ is the only one that can forgive us our sins he is the one that died on the cross for us and arose on the third day, not you. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO BE SAVED BEFORE IT’S TO LATE.
This saddens me so.. No one should every try to take Glory and Honor from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.. And the Bible says whoe to anyone who addeth or taketh away from the Bible. The only way to be saved and forgiven of our sins is through Jesus Christ, , and to Him and Him alone is all Praise, Honor, and Glory. It wasn’t you that died on that old rugged cross for our sins and it wasn’t you that arose from the grave the third day, and it won’t be you who comes back on a cloud to get His people, but I pray that before you go to far, if you haven’t already, that you will see the light and be saved. God is a merciful God, so repent now cause the time is almost at hand. What you’re doing is proof that the Lord will come back soon, cause He is going to get tired of people doing things like this. If you are ashamed of Him, He will be ashamed of you…God Bless You All..
This woman has just lost it.The way of a man seems wise in their own eyes but it is foolishness before God.
The earth has so much to offer with so many pleasures but once you over on the other side what next.Oprah your life may have changed lives but this act you’ve done if you dont change you go burn in hell ooo..i no wish you bad but open your eyes before its too late
She has lost it and has every right to burn in hell if she doesnt repent in time
Please Oprah, enough is enough. Do not store riches for yourself here on earth…..I would not normally comment on anything like this, but now I feel, because I can, I wish to ask you to repent and ask for Gods forgiveness. It is not to late. Think of your fellow superstars that mocked the Lord Jesus Christ……..they died painfully. Right now, it is like throwing away all that you have worked for. You are a complete….LIE. Oprah the devil is a deceiver and destroyer…..2Peter chpt 2 vs 1……”1But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among
you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.
Oprah, Jesus still loves you. Repent now before its too late. Note that on that day, every knees will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord. Are you ready?????????
Jesus said, I am the only way, the truth and the Life no one Goes to the Father but only through me. Oprah, are you out of your mind? There is only One God, and that is Jehovah. You are not GOD and will never be God, Oprah. You have become a laughing stock for the Devil to laugh at. Please stop this nonsence and repent before its too late.
I am still in disbelief. I used to see you as a role model, but now I see you as a lost and confused soul. I will pray for your repentance. Please don’t let satan use you that way. We serve a merciful God so don’t wait Oprah, surrender yourself to Him.
there is no other GOD…..Oprah remeber He is a JEALOUS GOD….so repent now…May He showers His Blessing upon you.
The bible says; No man on earth should give glory to himself because all the glory belongs to God who created all things. I advise Oprah go back to God and seek forgiveness for glorifying herself. You are just a mortal beign and nothing else.
Next up the flying spaghetti monster.
A fairy tale is a fairy tale does it really matter which one “sheeple” believe and give their money to?