Oprah Winfrey Opens Church, Founds Religion
Talk-show host Oprah Winfrey today celebrated the opening of her first church and the founding of her new religion, titled O, The Oprah Religion. The multi-tasking Oprah will serve as pontiff and deity for both.
“Expanding on Her enormously successful enterprises in television, film, the web, and Her magazine, Oprah Winfrey brings Her positive, motivational spirit to one of the most highly anticipated new religions since Scientology,” explained spokesperson and new Archbishop for the church, Gayle King, in a press conference in Chicago today.
“O, The Oprah Religion gives confident, smart women the tools they need to explore and reach for their dreams, to express their individual style, and to make choices that will lead to a happier and more fulfilling afterlife.”
“In addition, we’ve eliminated the regressive prohibitions – such as those against shrimp, clothing made of mixed fibers, and premarital sex – that older, outmoded religions still cling to, but which no longer fit in with the lifestyles of their congregations. In fact, Oprah loves to share a shrimp cocktail with her live-in life partner while wearing stretch-wool slacks! Now, with O, The Oprah Religion, you can do the same, and without the threat of everlasting damnation!”
King went on, “O, The Oprah Religion, has all the comforts of a traditional belief system, but combined with the uplifting spirit of Oprah, so that anyone from a religious background will still feel at home when they convert the new traditions of O, The Oprah Religion.”
“For example, instead of a spring fertility festival like Easter or Passover, with O, The Oprah Religion, you’ll celebrate the abundance of Oprah with Her spring holiday Oprah’s Favorite Things, which is observed during the second week of spring sweeps. During this holiday, believers smear the blood of a freshly slaughtered lamb on their television, and in the middle of the day the Holy Spirit of Oprah visits all supplicants and showers them with cashmere pajamas, gourmet chocolates, and Gladware”
“It doesn’t stop there!” added Archbishop King. “The Catholic tradition of confession has been incorporated into O, The Oprah Religion, but with a twist: confession occurs just once per lifetime, is syndicated nationally, and is officiated over by Oprah herself. Since Oprah serves as both pontiff and God in human form, penance is unnecessary, forgiveness is guaranteed, and it’s all done without the use of an intercessor! Verily I say unto thee: O, The Oprah Religion empowers all women with the tools for their own salvation! Praise be!”
Though Winfrey herself officiated over the opening ceremonies for the First Church Of Oprah, Savior, located on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile, O, The Oprah Religion does not require or even encourage Church attendance. Instead, believers are urged to stay home and watch services on their televisions. Regular broadcasts will be held every weekday at 11am. An additional service is planned for the most devout, to be called Oprah, After The Service.
Following her introductory remarks, Archbishop King spread her hands to the heavens, and Oprah herself appeared in the sky overhead, swathed in blindingly white robes and a pair of black leather knee-high boots with stiletto heels. Before Her, a mixed crowd of pre- and post-menopausal women shrieked in excitement, weeping openly at the heavenly vision. Several attendees were so overcome that they collapsed in pools of their own urine.
“Blessed are all who come before Me,” intoned Oprah after floating down to the podium, “and Blessed are all women who come to terms with things! Blessed also is this interesting hand-carved pepper mill; it is one of My Favorite Things! There’s one in each of your gift bags!”
With a flourish of trumpets from an unseen orchestra, production assistants scurried through the crowd, handing out gift bags to all and dispensing Egyptian cotton towels to the women who had wet themselves.
“Blessed is My church, enter ye now and view My services on the giant screen flat-panel Sony television within!” Continued Oprah, “Look within yourself, for you can overcome all obstacles when you believeth in yourself! Look also within your gift bag, as you all get a certificate for a free flat-panel Sony television of thine own!”
With a gesture from Her hands, the doors to the church swept open, and the crowds rushed forth to enter the church as an ivory chariot descended from the sky, whisking Oprah away to her apartment.
“Peace be with you! Praise be to Me!” she yelled as she drove out of sight.
In addition to Oprah’s Favorite Things, other holidays planned for the religion include The Feast Of The Assumption Of Maya Angelou, celebrated each summer with a poetry reading and live bird release, and the month-long Stedmanadon in the fall. Following similar marketing plans by the Kabbalah Center, a line of scented candles in the works, tentatively titled O, The Oprah-scented Candle, though plans for bottled water have been cancelled due to legal problems with Cirque Du Soleil.
Source: Davis McDavis
http://davismcdavis.xanga.com/197822930/oprah-winfrey-opens-church-founds-religion/
i wil advise oprah 2 go back 2 GOD 4 repentance b4 it’s 2 late as she is already plotting the graph of eternal damnation 4 herself-DEVIL’S ARCH-ANGEL!
I wil advise oprah 2 go back 2 GOD b4 it’s 2 late as she’s already plotted d graph of her eternal damnation-she needs a thorough,deliberate and total DELIVERANCE from d power of LUCIFER!
What a pity, Oprah!!
Why have you aloud yourself to be deceived, redirected and used by Satan? You haven’t grown at all neither are you a kid. This is a WARNING to you, go back to GOD the CREATOR of heaven and earth, the universal controller and repent immediately, otherwise GOD WILL CUT you off early.
Have you decided to form a church because you have money? Are you being controlled by the money you have or what? What kind of satanic spirit is in you?
Please better REPENT, otherwise you WILL see yourself in real HELL FIRE burning and never finishing burning. Have you not read from the bible that nothing should be taken away from the bible nor added to it? Have you not read about HEAVEN and HELL in the true bible?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
JESUS CHRIST our Lord will soon meet you. Better change before he meets you.
WHAT A PITIFUL WOMAN YOU ARE, hailed by hundreds of blind people because you are blind and blind folded yourself.
Bye.
Ernest.
Better go and search for other businesses to invest in. This will not help you.
bye
Ernest.
This is a sick joke right?
Hi Oprah, as a black woman in JA W.I. to another black woman, i have watched you grow and am really proud of your achievements. Having got it all, it’s now time to truly invite Jesus Christ into your life through repentance of your sins and let him use you as a vessel for his kingdom. God loves you Oprah so this is the least you can do in gratitude to him. Please do so b 4 it is forever too late.
this is just to show what too much money and power does to people.i pray oprah realizes her mistake before Jesus comes
i believe this is a result of having too much money and power and also being idolized by people.i just pray oprah realizes her mistake before its too late.
Oprah,the Lord has truley loved you and have brought you from a mighty long way (John 3v 16) Please REPENT; before it’s too late.
lol, as if she cares…a manifestation of the extremities of depraved minds..having tried everything the next is to exalt oneself as God and see how it feels? lovely lets all take note and try and be happy with our lot.
You may NEVER have the grace that Paul (former Saul) had on his way to Damascus in Acts 9 (true Bible) so,REPENT NOW!….also,If you think that you have made so much money as to compete with the everlasting King of glory, the only wise God,then ua wrong.
wow…………..is this for real?Oprah a mini God?
i’m short of words………..
Oprah I pray God have mercy on your soul!!! You are letting some kinda spirit use you for the wrong reasons and it has to STOP!!! YOU ARE NOT GOD & YOU WILL NEVER BE!!! You really need to repent before it’s to late! This is not a game,it’s not even funny,& I know you better than that!!! YOU GOT PEOPLE CRYING& ACTING FOOLISH OVER WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING,BUT YOU ARE THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO FALL ON YOUR KNEES AND WEEP BEFORE GOD!!! WITHOUT HIM YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE MA’AM!!! HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH,BUT YOUR NOT GONNA MAKE IT INTO HEAVEN IF YOU CONTINUE THIS MADNESS; INSTEAD YOUR GONNA BE LIFTING UP YOUR EYES IN HELL!!!
This is deep serious stuff.opera get herself into.she already made up her mind to be who she want to be.she is to proud to step down like most ministers who claim to be servant of GOD.BUT THEY ARE NOT.there is time an season for everything under heaven.
Well am not surprised, these are all signs of the end time long prophesied in the BIBLE
Oprah,
Jesus called me to be a witness for him when I was thirteen years old. I married at seventeen years old. I have been married to the same man for 42 years. I sent you a book that I had written entitled, How You Know, That You Know, You Are Saved. Did you get the book? I left it with your security guard who was a woman at the time I appeared on your TV show. Please check with your producer Mr. Flooring because I sent him a copy of my book as well.
Finally, if you would give me one hour to share Jesus Christ with you. You would receive Christ into your heart by faith as your personal savior. You would happily announce to the world that Jesus is the only way to God. I do not condemned you. I do not have that authority. I have the authority to show you that you walk in darkness and error. I once walked in darkness and error, but thanks be to God he had my neighbor witness to me about the love of Jesus Christ and my eyes came open to the truth.
Oprah you have a soul to be save from an eternal burning lake of fire and brimstone. Please let me share with you how Jesus Christ changed my life for ever at the age of 13 years old. I’m still serving Jesus Christ today. He is giving you an opportunity to repent of your sins and to receive him into your heart by faith as your personal savior before it is eternally to late. If you die without receiving Jesus Christ into your heart by faith as your personal savior. In hell you will spend eternity. God is leaving the choice up to you.
Oprah,
Seeing then that we have an high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast to our profession (Hebrew 4:14) And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the savior of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.( 1 John 4:14-15) (John 1:29) The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world. (John 3:16-17) For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, (Jesus Christ) that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved. (Romans 5:8-9-10) But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
(1 John 22-23) Who is a liar but he denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is an anti-christ, that denieth Father and the Son. Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: {but} he that acknowlegeth the Son hath the Father also. (1 John 2:18) Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that anti-christ shall come, even now there are many ati-christ, whereby we know that it is the last time. (1 John 4:3) And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is the spirit of anti-christ, whereof ye have heard that it should come; even now already in the world.
Oprah, according to the written word of God. You are an anti-christ. You will perish with the devil and his evil angels in the future in an eternal lake of fire and brimstone. You have an opportunity to repent of your sins and invite Jesus Christ to come into your heart and save you before it is eternally to late. He will come in if you invite him into your heart by free will and by faith. (Roman 10:13) FOR WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD (JESUS) SHALL BE SAVED.)
And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimestone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for rver and ever. (Revelation 20:10) Oprah when it all said and done. This is where you are going to spend eternity if you die without accepting Jesus Christ into your heart by faith as your personal savior.
Jesus said in Matthew 16:26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? Oprah if you die without receiving the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart by faith as your personal savior. You will lose your soul to an eternal lake of fire and brimestone for ever. You have exchanged your soul for what? Lies, deception, and false security.
God says ” do not put no other Gods or idols, above me”- this is obseen. God says” vengence is mine, Oprah I hate to say it, but you will get your coming, God is greater and has power than you have ever imagined, I will continue to pray for your guidence.
This is the work of the Devil- You need to stop worshipping Satan, you will loose.
I can only say, “this is a bad choice Ophra.’
Well done Oprah. Thanks! It feels so good to see you doing this. Finally the real O is standing up straight. Even more reason for us to stick to the ONE that gives peace. For free, no televisions, no other toucheble ‘goodies’, but, amazing grace.
Thank God, His grace in Jesus is bigger than our sin. For you Oprah, all the way: Jesus!
Oprah,
You are too intelligent of a person and have too much going for you to make yourself out to be God. The Lord asked Job where were you when I created the Orion and the whole world? Where were you when I set the boundaries for the oceans?
Oprah I mean this to be very direct and forceful communication. If you want to bring the wrath of God on yourself then practicing unabashed idolatry is the way to do it. This is absolutely the wrong path for you to be taking..and yes I’m saying this to you in the hopes that you will come to your senses QUICKLY!!!! SIN is an equal opportunity killer and it will take you out whether you believe it or not.
Lucifer thought he could take God’s place in heaven before the world was created as well. Jesus said “I saw satan falling from heaven like lightning.” Luke 10:18.
My intention is that you receive God’s magnificent GRACE and not condemnation! Think about it Oprah. There are a lot of people that care about you out there and who are warning you with biblical TRUTH.
Hebrews chapter 6 says it is impossible for God to lie. Since that is true please cease and desist immediately from this activity that will most definitely lead to certain and unavoidable disaster for you.
Please stop and think about what you are doing for the sake of your own soul before God.
The Bible does not lie when it says that pride comes b4 a fall, if you “really” study your Bible
you really wouldn’t do what you’re doing that’s just foolishness. Consider satans fall (pride) and his mission and those who come after him.Money and fame wont save you thats just temporary all i can do is just pray for you that the gace of God will become real to you and that the Holy Spirit will open your eyes to the real truth that can be found only in the Bible.
Hi Oprah, the grip of satanic slavery hath finally cut up with you!!! May God have mercy on you to recover your soul from the devil who hath taken captive of you at will.
JESUS!
She is a great success, and she obvisously has a lot to teach other women. OK she elevate it into religion, and as a Christian that does not bother me at all, Christ and God need not to be defended, and those Christians who starts a crusade against Oprah turns me off, while they seem to think Islam is a great enrichment.
There are empty churches all over the place, and you priests can not fill them up, because you do not get the message of LOVE out. I left my church in 1972, and found Christ in round about ways, and Christ saved me. The last thing I would do were to seek a church, for as Oprah, I was turned off by dogma and fear ridden priests. Oprah seems to be spiritual lady, if she does Gods work it will resolve itself, but I do think it was unwise to adapt it as a religion, why just not keep it as it was. If you are that popular, you normally serve people. Still she can not compete with Christ, and its no threat to me that she makes into a church. Most Churches has nothing to do with Chirst anyway, and when he return, they will be told so, as last time. My Church is the Silence of my Heart, and there God speak to you.
I could never understand why a woman of your magnitude could believe or assume you are as great as GOD. You may have not said it, but it is in your message. He has brought you mighty long way. To think you would not give him credit is something you will face on JUDGEMENT DAY. It is not for us to say or attack you personally. As Christians we need to pray that she comes into the full understanding of GOD. Ophrah read the BIble and search out the part about the sheperd who misleads his sheep.There is alos a verse in that same bible taht says every knee should bow and every tongue confess he is lord.
wow… unbelievable. but the Bible has foretold about all this things to happen… i feel sorry for her. may the will of our God Almighty be done upon heaven and earth… Till our Lord Jesus returns!
This is the start of Oprah’s downfall. This is purely Cult! There is only one God and that is Jesus. He is the only way, the Truth & the Life. I know she is popular, but to drag all her fans down to the ways of the world is unforgivable in the eyes of God. I hope she repents and go back to Jesus before it’s too late.
oprah all d guys who have blasphemed against hv died within a year change 4 ur end is near
Many will raise and claim to be the savior at the end of times. I’ll pray for you and your followers O. I admire you for your kindness esp to women but in the end nothing we do can save us unless we truly accept and understand who Jesus is.
very shocking…but hey, God still welcomes all… Oprah, you are being silly and blasphemous. Can u be at several places at one time??amongst others…? U ARE NOT AND CAN NEVER BE GOD…U wish..i pity the confused who would fall prey to your sorry deception…God have mercy
Hi Oprah,
Have you ever looked into the bible concerning satan and his future. The reason of his downfall was “PRIDE” thinking he was better than God. You are doing the same with your church. Jesus loves you and he loves you so much that he doesn’t want to leave you where your’e at, that’s what he did, everything for us by the cross. Only Jesus Christ can save you by faith. Renounce everything your doing now and cry out to him for help.
You know Oprah, some people have completely lost their souls.There’s a place one gets to like pharaoh in the time of Moses when repentance is impossible.They’ve been so deceived by the applause of men that they actually believe, sincerely that they were gods.Is that where you are now Oprah. I once heard you narrate your story.You mentioned a dinner with one of your mentors.Then you talked of the fact that you knew there was a being some where who took care of you.It was not a new thing to hear.The Greeks worshiped and made sacrifices to an unknown God!
How and why dear Oprah have you allow the spirit of deception to take over you?How have you managed to become the devil’s handmaid? Turn to Jesus and save you soul dear Girl even if it will mean you losing your physical life in the process.Save you soul Oprah, turn to Jesus.Listen to the woman who gave you her book.She might help you find you way.
But if you insist on the pathway of deception.Deceiving many after having been deceived yourself.The your blood is on your own head together with that of those who have believed your lie.May you allow God’s love,His abundant mercies and grace to touch you.
Oprah! all glory must be on to the lord, no man or woman on earth should give glory to himself. Wealth without christ is vanity upon vanity. Salvation is the main goal in life. People that are wealthier, knowledgeable as of yesterday, where are they today. I will keep praying for you that God almighty should give you the grace of understanding the word of God that will enable you to repent
Use your popularity to spread the word of God. To win souls.
Oprah, just today, I watched you give away some of your favorite things and i was crying because i was thinking what a wonderful person you are and hpw giving you are and then I found out about this web site. and i still can’t believe what i am reading and and I am hoping that this is some kind of joke, bad publicity or some kind of revenge, but if this is true then something has gone all wrong in your life. Please reconsider what you are doing. JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY. I still can’t believe this article is real.
This is very shocking doctrine. Oprah you need to go to your knees and search the face of God. You are IN REAL DARKNESS. Your richness will not take you in anywhere. Am sorry you will go to HELL, unless you change
Oh, Oprah. That is right, you started a religion and that’s all it will ever be. HOW CAN YOU PROHIBIT ETERNAL DAMNATION DID YOU MAKE HELL? DO YOU GUARD IT? AND ARE GOING TO SWAT GOD’S ALMIGHTY HAND AWAY WHEN HE POINTS TO YOUR END? You once believed in the Bible and supported Christianity and you changed your mind….. how can people trust you to give them eternal security? What will happen next to make you switch your ideas to the next thing flashing your name?The thing about Jesus is that he didn’t come to give me another doctrine or list of do’s and do not’s, does he require me to live a life of standards? of course! Because just like a loving parent he shelters me and wants me to be safe. But he came so that i could have himself! you have nothing but a religion because you cannot guide them to any paradise. get ready….
Dear Oprah, You have been a person that i looked up 2 4 years. Even when i was out taking care of business and didn’t have access to a tv i went 2 a dept. store that had tv’s just 2 watch your show thats how much of a mentor u were 2 me. But now i cannot tell u how disturded that i am when i hear of you and your religion and church and your beliefs. Somewhere down the line u have been ricked by a real devil that ur mind is so darkened 2 even c what he has done 2 u! You are a very intelligent woman but when it comes 2 the spiritual, u have no clue! I really love u Oprah and i would hate 2 c your downfall b4 the whole world. But God told me 2 tell u that you will fall in the worst way b4 the whole world and they will c that u are not God almighty but a little god that can not stop your own destiny to hell if you wanted to! Because u r making ur own choice to foolishly believe that u r God and have a trail of people 2 miserably follow in your footsteps n2 a devils hell thats not meant 4 u 2 go! Therefore Almighty God is not pleased by what He Sees u doing. You might think that because you are a “good” person because help people and that Qualifies you 2 go heaven but you are wrong! A lot of good people r in hell. I hope you are not reprobate and that u can repent of your sins because you will see that u r blinded by Lucifer the god of this age and should u come 2 ur self u will c that u are so wrong!!!! If u can O, REPENT while God is calling because there will come a time when u will not b able 2 repent! LISTEN 2 GOD NOW B4 IT’S @ LATE!! I Love You Oprah.
It is a shame 2 watch a beautiful person be tricked into thinking that they have the power to give eternal life to another indiviual. God is not mocked, whatsoever u sow u will reap! People look up 2 you Oprah and not msny people hsve thst power! God is allowing u have a beautiful life of positive influeance 4 people and here u r having just the opposite and the thing of it is that its very misleading all bcuz the blind is leading the blind. Oprah i am so disappointed in u and my heart is breaking because a lot of us c ur future and its not good at all! The bible is true and God is not a physco to change his mind about sin! ALL sin will take u 2 the lake of fire according to Revealations and i am not trying 2 disrespect u Oprah but i am only doing u a favor by warning u that you r heading there if you do not repent! God loves you and do not want you to go to hell! Change ur mind and do it Gods way or you will meet your destiny sooner in a devils hell! I believe you know the truth but u r caught up right now in people worshipping u that u have turned ur back on Almighty God so do urself a favor and run 4 your life! I love u Oprah!
Hello Oprah!
I’ve just finished watching one of your farewell season shows, and thought to myself “what an amazing woman you are” Through the odds that life throws at you, you’ve managed to rise above it all leaving a lasting impression in the minds of people all over the world”.
To be honest with you thats God’s intention for creating all of us. He wants us not just exist in this world but rather occupy, and have dominion over all the other things that He has created. However, we must never attempt to take the position of God in the world. He only is the Supreme Being, with no one above Him. Everything we do must be subjected to His rulership and directions. Its obvious you have motivated many people all over the world through your courage and dedication to duty. However, setting up a church of O in the fashion you’ve stated is like bulldozing all the amiable work you’ve allowed God to do through you over the years.
Its wonderful to try and motivate and empower women positively, because the world can really do with more of that, but God must be at the centre of the stage to make it a lasting and rewarding impact. I am not on the notion of judging you, because its not in my place to do so. God looks on the inside and not on the outside. For all we know you might have a good intention for doing what you’re doing but its also important to not have our good doing be evil spoken of.
I pray that God will minister to you personally and manifest His purpose through you in Jesus name.
There is no other one that is more Superior than God the creator of Heaven and Earth!
Oprah is a woman apreciated by many including d heavenlies but she has only succeeded in injuring her own soul by fluting an occult church or ist a pay back time 2d source of her earthly achivement(lucifer).Oprah wot shall it profit you if u gain d whole world and looses your own soul.infact i cover your torts and actions wit d blood of JESUS CHRIST.
Is this really happening? this time she has gone to far…i simply cant believe this. is someone trying to discredit her or what!
there is no God ! lucifer will spread the bloods of christianity ..
am sure this a lie! Oprah would not be so silly as to jeoperdise her fan base and money by forming a religion. She is too business savvy for that.
O LORD HAVE MERCY
I can’t say I’m surprised,just really worried abt oprah’s fans who’v nd still wil b deceived by dis.d Bible dese speak of dese signs,it just reminds me dat Christ’s 2nd coming is nearer dan wen I 1st believed.like someone wrote earlier,I also tot oprah was more intelligent nd business savvy dan dis childish attempt @ self gratification. May God’s mercy neva cease over all her fans.
Oprah,please do not allow money be cloud ur sense of reasoning you can not play God in anyway give u life to christ please and repent for your end shall not be pleasant
I simply refuse to believe what I’m hearing. Oprah is a well-respected woman. She should not let herself be deceieved and misled. A god?!!! What a joke. Jesus Christ is d only and true way… Dis is shameful…
Instead of this, Oprah should have opened a church of GOD,nt 4 herself. I pray she lives long enough to “reap the fruits of her labour”. End times are really here….